Hired Help
by MidnightHeir
Summary: Splinter is taking a day off, so the guys can too right? Wrong! So click the button, open the document, and take a gander at the folks he has lined up to fill in! Mindless, harmless, pointless ! flufffic


Disclaimer – T'is at the bottom, I want to try and preserve the mystery of who is coming into help …I hope it makes you smile …and yes, this is a completely and utterly crazy stupid fluff. You have been warned!

_**Hired Help**_

---

"_My Sons,_

_I am tired, and in need of a break, do not worry for I have arranged a replacement for your training sessions. _

_Splinter"_

The four boys stared at the piece of paper, then up at each other.

"So, Leo's not in charge?" Raph asked quietly, his eyes beginning to glint in anticipation of what could be achieved.

Donny took the small, neatly folded piece of paper from his brother's hands and re-read the short notice. "Evidently not." Passing it onto his older brother so that he could study it in more detail he looked around the lair, frowning slightly when he realised that Mikey had already decided upon his course of action.

"_**DAY OFF!"**_

"Michelangelo, Sensei has arranged someone to help." Leo pointed out quietly, placing the small piece of paper back down onto the table and going to get a glass of water. Sipping from it slowly he glanced to the small wall clock. **9.02am** Whoever was taking over was late. Or lost. Or both. Catching Mikey's whiny expression and antsy feet he relented slightly, "But they're late, so I guess we can chill until they arrive."

"So, its sorta semi day off?" Mikey whined.

"Yes Mikey, I suppose it is." Leonardo confirmed, already settling himself down to a morning of reading his books and waiting for his Father's replacement.

_**Three hours later …**_

The lair was in a mess; Raphael sat in front of the television with Mikey, popcorn, pillows and plastic wrappings lying all over the place. From the direction of the lab Donny sat battling with a blow torch and the sort of fender bender that only Raphael could produce. Leo, it was assumed was fast asleep in his room.

"Comin' through …" if it hadn't been for the young female voice, and blur before the TV screen the youngest siblings wouldn't have had a clue that anyone was there. Turning around slowly they stared at the diminutive brunette. Dressed in her orange hooded sweater and combat pants she looked around her newly found abode with interest. In her tanned hand she clung tightly to a small … well a small something the guys couldn't really tell, not with the way she stood. Letting out a long breath she spied the open pizza box and smiled, "Pizza? Cool …" and with that she was off again, moving at the speed of light to take up residence between Raphael and Michelangelo.

"You're here to … train us?" Mikey asked the young girl, who in turn tilted her head up from her decimation of a pizza slice to frown and shake her head.

"Gai-ai-ai-ai …" the ghostly wail rippled through the lair, closely followed by the scent of some bizarre concoction of herbs and spices. Tensing in their place on the sofa Mikey stared at Raph. "Gai-ai-ai-ai …" this time the wail was accompanied by the shrill sound of metal striking metal. On the sofa the young girl slipped down into the cushions.

"Yo'know what that is?" Raph demanded.

"Er … no … not really …"

"Gai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai …" it was at its loudest now, not only with the accompaniment of metal tapping metal and the overpowering stench of flora but also joined with a flickering light within the dojo. Staring at their small, mysterious house guest the two rose and went to get some extra help.

The young, innocent looking girl watched four young turtles creep towards the doorway of the dojo. Cocking her head onto one side, she considered telling them who was probably in there, but hey … they could handle a 78 year old, semi senile old man couldn't they?

In the centre of the dojo the four observed an incredibly peculiar sight, hopping on one leg, holding a bronze set of mini cymbals, and wafting a clutch of dried plants was a frail looking old man. As he continued to wail and hop he completed a full revolution allowing the puzzled turtles the chance to view his features. He was a Chinese man with a balding head and pair of wire rim glasses dressed in a white shirt, brown pants and beige over coat. Around his neck hung a small hexagonal item that glowed on and off. Taking it upon him self to break the stand off Leonardo walked into the room and called to the old man.

"Excuse me? Did Master Splinter arrange for you to come here and train us?"

A shrewd expression passed over the old man's face, before he turned round to screech. "Hush! Uncle is busy looking for Jackie! Tofu more reeds!"

Frowning slightly, Leonardo turned back to his brothers, mildly surprised to see an overly sized man dressed in black overalls lurking in the shadows.

"Uh-oh!" The small groan from the girl in the other room broke off any attempts at getting answers from either men.

Along the ceiling, walls and floor shadows were moving and dancing. Clutching the talisman in her hand Jade Chan nervously leant forward to grab a fork. Drawing their weapons the four brothers walked back into the middle of the room proper, the cries of the old man filling their ears as more and more Dark Hand began to filter into the room.

"Leo?"

Their once all knowing, permanently prepared brother responded to the nervous cry with a blank stare.

"Just be prepared … I'm sure there is a point to this …"

"Jackie!" Jade called loudly, joining the four brothers to mount a stand.

"Jade?!" From the tunnels a weary, tired cry echoed forth. "What are you doing here?" Covered in mud, cuts and general filth the usually unstoppable Jackie Chan came flying in. Landing on one hand he expertly flipped around to bring his hands up to throw the nearest Dark Hand warrior.

"Annual leave …" it sounded even worse out loud than it did in her head.

"Woah …. Time out!" Raph yelled loudly, drawing his sai's through the air. "Yo'tellin' me that we got yo'an' yo'problems for th'day?"

Pausing in the middle of the room Jackie turned to look at the red turtle, "That would appear to be the case!" Ducking a flying arm he landed nimbly on his feet inches from them.

"Whoa …" Mikey stared at Leo that totally kicked ass. "That totally kicked ass! We're gonna learn to fight like that!"

"UNCLE!" Thoroughly surrounded by more Dark Hand than Jackie thought could be possible he stared at his temporary students.

"Gai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai …" the large man entered into the room followed by the raving, hopping, looney.

"DO SOMETHING!" Jackie shrieked before turning to his pupils for the day in order to chastise them, "Tell me something … why you couldn't live in a nice, light, bright penthouse? Why did you have to live somewhere that is shrouded in shadow? Do you not know that my main enemy is comprised of the dark! I've gotten over the Brooklyn Bridge faster than I've got through these tunnels!"

"So _this_ is why you're late?" Donny surmised.

"Yes!"

"Ahhhh …" nodding his head thoughtfully Donny repeated Raph's question, albeit in a fashion that the Chan clan could understand. After all the Brooklyn accent could be impenetrable sometimes, even for a seasoned professional like Don. "So you would like some help getting rid of them?"

"It would be appreciated." Jackie conceded.

"Alright! Jackie and Jade on another whirlwind kick ass adventure …" the twelve year old girl pushed her way to the front of the small gathering, clutching the small talisman in her hand.

The four turtles stared at each other warily, drew their weapons and prepared themselves for one Hell of a fight.

"So what are their weaknesses?" Leo asked, watching enviously as Jackie did a series of body contorting flips and pirouettes that somehow managed to floor his shadowy opponents.

"Sunlight is usually helpful!"

"And chi energy …." Jade piped in, doing another lap of the lair thanks to the aid of the talisman she held. Though it made her look super cool, it didn't really help in defeating any of her shadowy opposition.

"But do not worry …" Tofu added, "Uncle always comes to the rescue in the end."

"Tofu! More dragons blood litmus oil …"

"Leo?" Raph turned to his brother for some sort of clue.

"I have NO idea …" ducking a parry from a Dark Hand solider he gave his brother a blank stare. "Donny … do something …."

Swinging his stick through a swathe of darkness that seemed to pretty much evaporate and reform around his stick Donny frowned. "They don't seem to have any exploitable weakness."

"Ga-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai…." From the back of the improvised battlefield Uncle's mockable lamenting cry erupted forth. No needed to look to know that the crazy old man was still hopping like it was going out of fashion "Jackie! When I tell you hold your breath!"

"Do as Uncle tells you!" Jackie instructed his pupils, his body flying through the air in a straight powerful kick that succeeded in battering aside a handful of Dark Hand into the water of the sewers.

From behind them all Uncle poured his brew into a large balloon, before retreating from the scene of the crime to the dojo. With instruction from Uncle Tofu hurled the large missile out, actively joining in the gagging of the other unfortunate occupants of the room as the revolting stench of rotting eggs, festering fish and sulphur flooded the air.

"OH!" Mikey reacted first, "Thad was ripe!" wafting his arm in front of his face he retreated behind the sofa, "I gotta get me that recipe!" All things considered that had to be one of the best stink bombs he had experienced in his life, as long as one remembered to keep their mouths shut ….

"Uncle!" Jackie cried, wiping tears from his eyes, "What happened to the warning?!"

"God … tha'is worse tha'Mikey's sweat shoes …." Raph gasped, absolutely disgusted. Hearing Mikey's demand for the recipe his hand shot out to clip his brother up the back of the head.

"HEY!" Mikey turned back towards his other brother with a hurt expression on his face. "Thad stuff can clear a room!"

"Mikey, you are NOT getting any of that!" Leo yelped, his eyes watering from the fumes that had filled, and now continued to linger in the room. "Oh …" sticking his tongue out he ran it along his teeth in a vain attempt to scrape away the taste of the fumes. "Donny, tell me you can clear this out!"

Wheezing on the floor the purple clad turtle turned to his cowering brothers with a sickened expression. Did his brothers really expect him to remain behind in the lair to sort this mess out whilst everyone else got to bail? They had to be kidding him! They really did … there had to be a better way to recover from battle other than choke on noxious fumes, and clean up a mess that they were not even responsible for.

_**An hour later …**_

Spending time away from his children had been harder on Splinter than he had first anticipated. Moving quietly through the darkened tunnels the old rat was keen to see how his wards had taken to his replacement. Finding the venerable Jackie Chan had been quite a stroke of good fortune. Why, his knowledge and fighting skill had almost been equal to that of his own. And with his uncle and sweet little niece available to assist what could have possibly gone wrong?

Splinter was about to find out. His lair, his beautiful home was in a state of decay and disarray that his son's would simply not have dreamed of had he been present. The air held the tangy stench of a recently released stink bomb, one that upon careful inspection, through many unfortunate breaths, was something that Michelangelo could only dream of. The television was upturned upon the floor, along with many of the wires that connected the carefully installed surround system. Donatello must be devastated, and instead of being in the laboratory attempting to correct such a mess was no where to be seen. Along with the rest of his children. His sofa was also in a sorry state of repair, with the cushions upturned, in a sort of disrepair that made one think they had been integral to a serious fight, or something that sent a shiver down his spine, it could be the direct result of a pillow fight. Hobbling into the centre of the room his eyes observed the disturbed wooden furniture, he had spent months collecting it together and for what end? Evidently to be turned into firewood and kindling if his replacement had anything to say about it. Following his instincts he studied his usually beautifully laid out dojo, even that had not escaped the onslaught of Messuirs Chan and his energetic, clearly overly enthusiastic training regime. Splinter was just thankful that this room did not smell of the same stomach churning vileness that polluted the living area.

Sighing Splinter made a silent vow to himself, he had learnt a very important moral today. The next time he arranged for someone to come in and assist his son's they would _not_ be coming from the rival network.

**The End!**

_Disclaimer;_ What can I say? Jackie Chan, Jade, Tofu (I know that is the wrong spelling!) and Uncle are all the property of WB. The turtles on the other hand are most definitely the property of the 4Kids FoxBox.


End file.
